Changing perspectives

my education is failing, it may be to do with my personality as i tend to get bored of routine, and at the moment trying to learn the same thing again and agian just isnt working, for me to be able to learn i need purpose i need not neccersellery enjoyment, but i need to like what it is im doing, or theres not really any point, i know i have to get through the boring stuff to get th ethings i want to learn but its not exactly easy. I need to change my perspective on the way i learn, its not just trying to pass an exam, its understanding all that information at such a level that you know the answer no matter what form the problem arrises, its not that your being tuaght to pass the exam but to be able to cope with the problems you'll face in life in the work you'll do. im wishing id realised this sooner. ive sat around and wasted all this time, theres no way i can regain that, but now, just maybe, i can have the determanation to do this. Its not work, just more education.

im realising more and more about myself, im social than i ever thought i would be, apperently freinds are good for you :p
ive not only had a reeducaton in my work ethics, but ive learnt what love truly is, to be able to connect with someone in such a way with such little effort to be able feel so much for one person is an unbelieveable feeling, to know and understand those feelings, to know wher they come from, to know where they lead, there is so much and reason within those feelings, i finally know what love is.

i have many dreams, some are further away then i realise, but now i can relax and now that they will come true with time, and that to ruch them would only cuase there destruction, so know i can focus on the things closer to hand, and truly enjoy the the process of learning in all aspects of my life.


I apalogise for my ramblings, they proberly dont make sense, but since when does an expresion of thought come in straight lines?



Im not th eperson i once was, but i am more myself than i have ever been and im not going to hide anymore

Is it my resolve, or just luck?

well lets see, im not sure where to start as last night ended somtime this morning, around 4 o'clock i think, but the point is i was up and awake at 9 wasted sometime doing... actually i cant remember what i did this morning o.O ah well wasnt important.
i went and spent sometime round a freinds, just a few hours of managing the subtelties of socialising really, then stood for abouts an hpur and half just talking a frein, trying to get him out of the rut he sems to have got himself stuck into, so thats always fun.
so basically this has been my chill weekend and i fully intend to get to work very soon, i dare say ill get called out by freinds, but not much you can do about that :p

so yeah not much happening here at the moment im afraid.


i realised that all i need to inspire me is simple beauty, like the sunset this evening or hundreds of tiny pieces of glitter spread across the sky that shine brighter and brighter as the sun sinks below the horizon. in keeping this realisation i will never be without its motivation, even in a dark room i will still have the memory of it. True beauty is the most wondurous treasure.

i thought i was following my heart, but instead i follwed my head. maybe if i could acually tell what i was feeling. its true what they say, thatyou dont realise what you have untill you lose it...

what do i do now?

why does my heart go silent when i need it most...