you smile when your happy, so your happy when you smile.
so smile and be happy and stop worrying about your problems, i only needed to smile to remember im not somone to let life get me down when its such a joyous ting :]
theres always hard times, but you just gotta keep walking.
sorry if it sounds like im giving myself a motivational speech but i proberly am, ah well. all i know is that whatevers going to happen will happen.
im relaxed again, so now i can sleep; goodnight people of ta interwebs
Friday, 20 August 2010
dealing with a definition of life
Its true that a half arsed attitude wont get you through A levels, unfornutly i found this out the hard way.
a defonition of life is; dealing with the unexepected things that happen to us.
i now have three options:
1. scrape my way back into college in someway, most proberly by redoing the year with some changes to the courses im doing
2. go get a vocational qualification
3. get a job
4. start my life as a traeling free loader, but i cant leave here yet, i still have commitments to look after.
i could sit here worrying about it all, but i know my options and what i would like to happen and when and what to do about it, so the rest is up to fate
at least thats what i should be saying, i guess im just a bit pu out and a litttle sad, and maybe pissed off at myelf for failing
a defonition of life is; dealing with the unexepected things that happen to us.
i now have three options:
1. scrape my way back into college in someway, most proberly by redoing the year with some changes to the courses im doing
2. go get a vocational qualification
3. get a job
4. start my life as a traeling free loader, but i cant leave here yet, i still have commitments to look after.
i could sit here worrying about it all, but i know my options and what i would like to happen and when and what to do about it, so the rest is up to fate
at least thats what i should be saying, i guess im just a bit pu out and a litttle sad, and maybe pissed off at myelf for failing
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
Repition of a world in a single drop of water
I just got back from a holiday with the family, well i kinda dragged cat along too so it was quite a bit more bearable :p
We didnt really do much on this hoiday, we had the fun drive there which mostly equalled sleep. The site was tucked away in a little hidie hole at a dead end road, but we were quite litterly a stones throw from the beach, and the stones werent hard find due to the beach being made of pebbels, it was good for skimming stones though :D
We went to the arcades and and such like beach places. i went on one of those electriction machine thingys and took 30,000 volts twas a weird sensaetion to have your hands fixed in place by a mass of electricity giving your nervous system wrong signals
I whacked a lota moles on whacka mole :p
had some fun in a fun house
slid upon a giant slide
span around and around on the waltzers
and raced and bumped in the dodgems
Finished fourth in minigolf
And did some awsome flips in a ten minuit trampolining session thingy on these awsomly big tramoplines.
And there was icecream and fish and chips and all the sea sideeness you could handle
And much much bonding time with my most lovely girlfreind cat :Dx
we came home early so that we may get my results tomorow, so weve my parents all alone, i watched films with meiner schwester then felt like working out for a bit with was most unuassaul but felt good to actually be doing something for once :p
oh, and i found out my family cant even tell when theres something wrong, fortunatly cat can, as she helped me put a lid back on that little box of darkness that lurks within me.
We didnt really do much on this hoiday, we had the fun drive there which mostly equalled sleep. The site was tucked away in a little hidie hole at a dead end road, but we were quite litterly a stones throw from the beach, and the stones werent hard find due to the beach being made of pebbels, it was good for skimming stones though :D
We went to the arcades and and such like beach places. i went on one of those electriction machine thingys and took 30,000 volts twas a weird sensaetion to have your hands fixed in place by a mass of electricity giving your nervous system wrong signals
I whacked a lota moles on whacka mole :p
had some fun in a fun house
slid upon a giant slide
span around and around on the waltzers
and raced and bumped in the dodgems
Finished fourth in minigolf
And did some awsome flips in a ten minuit trampolining session thingy on these awsomly big tramoplines.
And there was icecream and fish and chips and all the sea sideeness you could handle
And much much bonding time with my most lovely girlfreind cat :Dx
we came home early so that we may get my results tomorow, so weve my parents all alone, i watched films with meiner schwester then felt like working out for a bit with was most unuassaul but felt good to actually be doing something for once :p
oh, and i found out my family cant even tell when theres something wrong, fortunatly cat can, as she helped me put a lid back on that little box of darkness that lurks within me.
Sunday, 8 August 2010
The story of the first adventure
Germany trip = amazing
in the day we were either working towards something, simply enjoying ourselves relaxing, or just helping out
the journey there was long and tiresome, but little sleep was had because we had the most uncomfartble coch you could think of, even though you could slide the seats sideways to make room those particualy big people im guessing. though discussing quantum physics at three in the morning was quite brilliant. once we got cologne we had some time to look around and get get breakfast (i had a biiig bagle) there were hundreds of goths walking around there were really quite awsome apart from the one disturbing transvestite we saw, there was a hobo begging for money but he had a sign with his story on it for you to read and symphasie with, then there were diasabled/crippled people begging fr money. but there was floor art with those 3D designs, and clowns, and other street peformers wich were all quite awsome, there was an art gallery and a beautiful gothic cathedral. and we went down to the riverside market wich stretched for ever along the bank, we walked for ages and i bought a ring and earring made of wood, and the ring has a hallmark (i didnt notice till a few days later)
we then travelled on towards the campsite, we had to wait a while at the town just outside the campisteuntill the leaders caught up with us, its beautiful town by the name of sayn, there was a prk with a big water fountain in which we played for a while and loads of the houses had artwork envolving butterflies on them. we then walked up the valley path alongside the river towards our campsite.
on site we had a small hut which we use as a kitchen, we put up two marguees, and built two tables, one to serve dinner to the masses, and one for eating round (it only fitted the main group) just as we started to set u[ all the scouts tents it rained and i mean rained, you would be drenched completly within a minuit and most of us were just in shorts (tops had been removed due to sun beating down on us relentlesly) but we needed the tents up before they got here so we put them up in the pouring rain and finished all the little things to do with setting up a campsite. we all slept well that night.
The first day of the camp proper:
the main contingent arrived (yay, little people[sarcasm]) within five minuits of them arriving they were already annoying but we never saw much of them, due to the fact we acsess to the kitchen, the wood cutting area and our own little square around the fire so we could just sit and tell them to bugger off in the most polite terms :p
The rest of that was free to what we liked, so we climbed to the top of one of the valley sides, collecting firewood on the way back, then we built an archway out of the leftover pioneering poles, it was aboround 12ft+ by the time we finished and we'd used an excessive amount of rope but it was the most impressive pioneering thingy on all the site :D
Next few days (i cant remember in what things happened):
... well there was more valley climbing, which is always fun especially sliding back down a few hundred meters at a time :p i know one day we went into bendorf, found a resturant, saw a film, and went back to said resturant for a meal. We went to some caves that someone had mentioned were at the end of the campsite, we took a shortcut across the railway line, the errr "disused railway line" ¬¬ one cave small and realtivly uninteresrting as you could still the light from the other end of the tunnel, but the second was really quite awsome, the fisrt passage went far enough back that you could barely see the light but then you went down the side passage and it went much further back ad it split into two more passeges which were very damp and dark, it was so dark you could see more when you closed your eyes (that being the back of your eyelids) The acoustics were really good in there aswell, so we did a barbershop harmony. We then walked back to campsite, but along through the river all the way back, we started of just crisscrossing over on rocks but soon fel in when all tried walk over a very narrow fallen tree. And, and , I found a nother cave along the way :D it wasnt far from the first two, but it looked a lot more like a cave rather than a quare cut mine shaft, the floor was covered in rubble the entrance was like eclipsed moon, i was the first to see it and the closest to it so i crouched down and went a little way in, but it got dark much quicker than the other caves as it slopped down striaght away, so i called for a light, as the rest of them were coming across the river one of them lent on the entrance way, as they did this severall rocks fell down from the ceiling, we just looked at each other and i quickly scrambelled out before i could get hit on the head. i would have loved to explore the cave but we headed straight back and i didntr have the time to go back again. We took the scouts the big safe cave but obviously i was busy looking after them. The walk back through the river was quite enjoyable really a mixture of beauty and danger that holds a fair few memorys
On the monday we went to the themepark Fantasia Land, the theme park was amazing, there were actually themes running through different areas of the park. the main street was moddeld after old berlin with a massive fountain at the end it, then we went into Africa area, were all the buildings were of a native style with actuall skulls decorating the walls, The chinese area looked amazing the buildings were fantasitic, apperantly all the roof tiles were impotered from china, oh, and in every area the people employed were made to look indignous to that area, so in the africa area all the employees were black, china area all chinese or easten origen. i dont think you coud get away with it in england but i suppose it did keep the theme really well, And then you had the rides! you had the standard type rollercoasters, there was one we thought was going to be quite boring as the safety bar was just the simple bar across your lap, but it was actually the longest one and through you about like hell, so it was fun :D
Them there was tolacan (may have splet it incorrectly) it was four long rows os seats two facing one way and two the other, this was attached to two massive arms at either end that went striaght up, they span the whole thing round but the row of seats span aswell, so when both were spinning you lost all sense of direction and where you were, and there were the massive spouts of water and the gouts of flame from which you could easily feel the heat to consider.
There was a tower ride but instead of going up slowy you suddenly shot up without warning straight to the top held for a minuit or so the dropped half way back up and then down again
There were a couple of standard water rides a logfloom and rapids, nothing much, though they were still fun :]
There were two pinballrollercoasters one was very confusing, you start by going through two sets of door into a small room, which then moves up, yes thats right theres an elevator for a rollercaoster, the scary part was that the doors were barely open before your suddenly dorpped out onto the steep drop of the track, you then go through hairpins and a giant spiral, spinning al the way, then you stop for a few secomds and without warning are dropped onto slope... sideways! and as you start to slow you feel the cart bounce, you then look behind or forward depending which direction your faing at the time to see the track bouncing up and down as if the part your on has split away and is see sawing on its support!
other events (again cannie rember what days went were)
As you should all know, the legal drinking age in germany for beer and wine is 16, being 17 means much joy. so when we ( and by we i mean a group of 16+ teenagers) went to a different campsite for night without leader presence (leaders enforce english law) we of course didnt buy a fridge full of beers, it was only one or two each but it was a nice relaxed evening, in which we spent playing i have never, in which as the game is ment, revealed everynes sexuall explotations and an array of strange things that people have done, and to my own amazement i one the respect of everyone there by being one of the most experienced there or at least the most adventurous :p afterwards a small group of us had some man talk by the fire were i explained that im not actually a manwhore (i thoght thats how id come across in the game) and they told me that they didnt think that, they just saw me as someone who was experienced, we then went to talk about our current relationships how much we missed our girls and we all seemed to be in loving relationships.
i also meditated a while by the fire to try and clear my head a bit, this amazed one of the people there which made realise how different i am from most people. This was quite something for me having through all my life having longed to be something different and then realising i am is quite a feeling, its nothing special or amaziling different, its that to the people there even ones who have already travelled to many a continent and seen a bit of the worl, they thought i was well travelled, contintenal and such forth. even my fighting skills impressed people, but i only basic things, some small amount of selfdefence type moves from martial arts, and yet i was discussing moves with people who practice martial arts. To know that people respect you and to hear them say so is something that makes you think, its certainly a strange feeling to me.
Almost every night (we were never to bed before 1) we seemed to be discussing something be it politics, religion, origins of the universe or even th emeaning of life, but some nights we simply watched the leaders getting drunk :p
oh and not all the leaders abidid by the english laws as he brought us crate of the lacal beer to share one night, which me and freind went and drank with a couple of the german leaders next door, we heard some good storys learnt some things about each other and even learnt a secret about the scouts that was created during the war and is now a tradition still carried on today and now intend to carry on :]
i learnt a lot about my self this camp.
I know this is only the beginging of my travells...
in the day we were either working towards something, simply enjoying ourselves relaxing, or just helping out
the journey there was long and tiresome, but little sleep was had because we had the most uncomfartble coch you could think of, even though you could slide the seats sideways to make room those particualy big people im guessing. though discussing quantum physics at three in the morning was quite brilliant. once we got cologne we had some time to look around and get get breakfast (i had a biiig bagle) there were hundreds of goths walking around there were really quite awsome apart from the one disturbing transvestite we saw, there was a hobo begging for money but he had a sign with his story on it for you to read and symphasie with, then there were diasabled/crippled people begging fr money. but there was floor art with those 3D designs, and clowns, and other street peformers wich were all quite awsome, there was an art gallery and a beautiful gothic cathedral. and we went down to the riverside market wich stretched for ever along the bank, we walked for ages and i bought a ring and earring made of wood, and the ring has a hallmark (i didnt notice till a few days later)
we then travelled on towards the campsite, we had to wait a while at the town just outside the campisteuntill the leaders caught up with us, its beautiful town by the name of sayn, there was a prk with a big water fountain in which we played for a while and loads of the houses had artwork envolving butterflies on them. we then walked up the valley path alongside the river towards our campsite.
on site we had a small hut which we use as a kitchen, we put up two marguees, and built two tables, one to serve dinner to the masses, and one for eating round (it only fitted the main group) just as we started to set u[ all the scouts tents it rained and i mean rained, you would be drenched completly within a minuit and most of us were just in shorts (tops had been removed due to sun beating down on us relentlesly) but we needed the tents up before they got here so we put them up in the pouring rain and finished all the little things to do with setting up a campsite. we all slept well that night.
The first day of the camp proper:
the main contingent arrived (yay, little people[sarcasm]) within five minuits of them arriving they were already annoying but we never saw much of them, due to the fact we acsess to the kitchen, the wood cutting area and our own little square around the fire so we could just sit and tell them to bugger off in the most polite terms :p
The rest of that was free to what we liked, so we climbed to the top of one of the valley sides, collecting firewood on the way back, then we built an archway out of the leftover pioneering poles, it was aboround 12ft+ by the time we finished and we'd used an excessive amount of rope but it was the most impressive pioneering thingy on all the site :D
Next few days (i cant remember in what things happened):
... well there was more valley climbing, which is always fun especially sliding back down a few hundred meters at a time :p i know one day we went into bendorf, found a resturant, saw a film, and went back to said resturant for a meal. We went to some caves that someone had mentioned were at the end of the campsite, we took a shortcut across the railway line, the errr "disused railway line" ¬¬ one cave small and realtivly uninteresrting as you could still the light from the other end of the tunnel, but the second was really quite awsome, the fisrt passage went far enough back that you could barely see the light but then you went down the side passage and it went much further back ad it split into two more passeges which were very damp and dark, it was so dark you could see more when you closed your eyes (that being the back of your eyelids) The acoustics were really good in there aswell, so we did a barbershop harmony. We then walked back to campsite, but along through the river all the way back, we started of just crisscrossing over on rocks but soon fel in when all tried walk over a very narrow fallen tree. And, and , I found a nother cave along the way :D it wasnt far from the first two, but it looked a lot more like a cave rather than a quare cut mine shaft, the floor was covered in rubble the entrance was like eclipsed moon, i was the first to see it and the closest to it so i crouched down and went a little way in, but it got dark much quicker than the other caves as it slopped down striaght away, so i called for a light, as the rest of them were coming across the river one of them lent on the entrance way, as they did this severall rocks fell down from the ceiling, we just looked at each other and i quickly scrambelled out before i could get hit on the head. i would have loved to explore the cave but we headed straight back and i didntr have the time to go back again. We took the scouts the big safe cave but obviously i was busy looking after them. The walk back through the river was quite enjoyable really a mixture of beauty and danger that holds a fair few memorys
On the monday we went to the themepark Fantasia Land, the theme park was amazing, there were actually themes running through different areas of the park. the main street was moddeld after old berlin with a massive fountain at the end it, then we went into Africa area, were all the buildings were of a native style with actuall skulls decorating the walls, The chinese area looked amazing the buildings were fantasitic, apperantly all the roof tiles were impotered from china, oh, and in every area the people employed were made to look indignous to that area, so in the africa area all the employees were black, china area all chinese or easten origen. i dont think you coud get away with it in england but i suppose it did keep the theme really well, And then you had the rides! you had the standard type rollercoasters, there was one we thought was going to be quite boring as the safety bar was just the simple bar across your lap, but it was actually the longest one and through you about like hell, so it was fun :D
Them there was tolacan (may have splet it incorrectly) it was four long rows os seats two facing one way and two the other, this was attached to two massive arms at either end that went striaght up, they span the whole thing round but the row of seats span aswell, so when both were spinning you lost all sense of direction and where you were, and there were the massive spouts of water and the gouts of flame from which you could easily feel the heat to consider.
There was a tower ride but instead of going up slowy you suddenly shot up without warning straight to the top held for a minuit or so the dropped half way back up and then down again
There were a couple of standard water rides a logfloom and rapids, nothing much, though they were still fun :]
There were two pinballrollercoasters one was very confusing, you start by going through two sets of door into a small room, which then moves up, yes thats right theres an elevator for a rollercaoster, the scary part was that the doors were barely open before your suddenly dorpped out onto the steep drop of the track, you then go through hairpins and a giant spiral, spinning al the way, then you stop for a few secomds and without warning are dropped onto slope... sideways! and as you start to slow you feel the cart bounce, you then look behind or forward depending which direction your faing at the time to see the track bouncing up and down as if the part your on has split away and is see sawing on its support!
other events (again cannie rember what days went were)
As you should all know, the legal drinking age in germany for beer and wine is 16, being 17 means much joy. so when we ( and by we i mean a group of 16+ teenagers) went to a different campsite for night without leader presence (leaders enforce english law) we of course didnt buy a fridge full of beers, it was only one or two each but it was a nice relaxed evening, in which we spent playing i have never, in which as the game is ment, revealed everynes sexuall explotations and an array of strange things that people have done, and to my own amazement i one the respect of everyone there by being one of the most experienced there or at least the most adventurous :p afterwards a small group of us had some man talk by the fire were i explained that im not actually a manwhore (i thoght thats how id come across in the game) and they told me that they didnt think that, they just saw me as someone who was experienced, we then went to talk about our current relationships how much we missed our girls and we all seemed to be in loving relationships.
i also meditated a while by the fire to try and clear my head a bit, this amazed one of the people there which made realise how different i am from most people. This was quite something for me having through all my life having longed to be something different and then realising i am is quite a feeling, its nothing special or amaziling different, its that to the people there even ones who have already travelled to many a continent and seen a bit of the worl, they thought i was well travelled, contintenal and such forth. even my fighting skills impressed people, but i only basic things, some small amount of selfdefence type moves from martial arts, and yet i was discussing moves with people who practice martial arts. To know that people respect you and to hear them say so is something that makes you think, its certainly a strange feeling to me.
Almost every night (we were never to bed before 1) we seemed to be discussing something be it politics, religion, origins of the universe or even th emeaning of life, but some nights we simply watched the leaders getting drunk :p
oh and not all the leaders abidid by the english laws as he brought us crate of the lacal beer to share one night, which me and freind went and drank with a couple of the german leaders next door, we heard some good storys learnt some things about each other and even learnt a secret about the scouts that was created during the war and is now a tradition still carried on today and now intend to carry on :]
i learnt a lot about my self this camp.
I know this is only the beginging of my travells...
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