Progress.

Well that trip I mentioned just over two years ago when I last posted, that happened. And college as I mentioned was going bad, but I made some good choices and now have an apprenticeship not the one I mentioned, but it's quite similar in nature, And this isn't all that's happened, but i have two years worth of happenings to divulge and I shan't attempt to do it all in just one post. So I shall give an overview here then write somewhat more in depth. Due to the friend from college I went The Gambia on the west coast of Africa, for two weeks, we helped a small village by building a market garden, and experienced such a world quite different from our own, but more on that later I quit college, and got onto an apprenticeship in CNC milling, which is turning out to be a rather interesting branch of engineering. I'm now half way through the apprenticeship and it's still going well. The biggest change though is to my everyday life as in the last two years I have gotten engaged, moved out and as stated above am now working full time!

I am lucky in life

I have unlucky days like any other person, but some days its like fate is on my side.
someone started talking to me because they wanted to hug becuase they thought i looked interesting. Rurns out she's an explorer like me, and her group is doing a three week trip to ghambia. im invited. all i have to do is raise £1,500 before the end of this year as the trip is around december. Oh, and then a few days ago i meet her freind, and ill simply say that we get on very well ;]

But my life has always been like this, oppurtunitys will just present themselves to me.its one of the reaons im so relaxed because i know everything will work out all right just aas long as i keep up the effort to move forward life seems to help me along the way :]

Though as there must always be a balance of good and bad, i am falling behind on my college work. its all coursework, i already know the majority of it, and what i dont is very easy to understand and yet, i find myself unable to do it, i figure it must be lack of motivation or something becuase i just cant concentrate on the work.
but i had the idea of a proffesioin that might hold my interst as it is reasonably unique, i wonder if becoming, a blacksmith, would hold my interest?
There is a small family run forge in my town, so im going to contact them to see if they can offer me an apprenticship or some training
but i think my brain has decided that it will no longer do school work

Three steps back, four steps forward

i could look at the last few months as having lost my place at college, losing my lover, losing, losing losing. But im too much of an optimist for that, so instead ill accept that yes i have lost these things but ive also gained a lot. im single, which yes can be lonely but it gives freedom to flirt and build new relationships, and im sure ill find love agian, i always do. i have gained some level of independance, i went against my parents and stayed at the occupation for a couple of days, but sadly i didnt go against them and go to the protest in london, that i regret.
im making progress in learning about myself, and im also relising that i need to take action if i ever want to be free from this place, so ive decided that if i dont get into uni, im going away from here and ill see the world.

freedom is not something to strive for, it is something we have always had

i could tell you all about my day, but i wont.

it was good, and i learnt something.

if you want to know more show some interest in me and i might just tell you

If i went to the docters they would simply i have some form of depression, but everything has its reasons and solutions, and i know mine, well at least teh reasons, and i think that atleast some of it will be resolved after christams, because ill have more information and ill be 18 so it will be easier to find them, the solutions, my real parents

WHY CAN I NEVER BE FUCKING HAPPY!!!!

What goes up must come down

my life at the moment seems as though its waiting for something to happen and untill that time its simply going to go round and round in a mundane circle. but the comes the realisation that i the circle can be easily broken and blah blah blah, this i already know all this, but what i dont get is why after breaking the monotanous circle of death i simply crash into even more depression. i went to london to fight for something i beleive in, i found hope in my futre eductaion by realising i can get to a good uni with my current course, and then i simply overeact to something and become instantanleously depressed again, maybe i have problems, well actually i know i have problems, but its going to be while before i can sort them out and i need to knwo im strong enough to get through this on my own, i have to many reasons to be hapy to be this sad
GAHHHHHH!!!! im hating myself for being so weak.