How coem other people seem to be able to find your problems so easy and simple and yet you can sit there for hours not knowing what to do, then you your friend just comes aong with the simplest idea and it seem sto solve everything....
well i think i was just a bit deppresed earier so ignore the earlier post lol
all is fine and well...... i hope ;]
Monday, 27 July 2009
Like a leaf in the air, i feel that drifting feeling....
There are things i want to say things i want to do but i cant exatcly do anything on her lol, and im unsure if i can say what i want to on here.....
[ so i will put a simple message, some who have known me may understand or may not]
For i am in fear of there being a recurence in has once happened.... and i know that if such a thing were to happen, it would leave me broken :'[
[ so i will put a simple message, some who have known me may understand or may not]
For i am in fear of there being a recurence in has once happened.... and i know that if such a thing were to happen, it would leave me broken :'[
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
How i see forward by looking at the mirror behind me.
I am seeming to be happier now as i will be seeing smiley-Guitar girl soon :]
so that gives me a definite happy thingy to look forward to :]
the title of this post i think is just to try and confuse you all :p unless my subconscience is trying to tell me something, but i highly doubt that as i think it has gone to sleep at this moment in time, as should i :p
I think you can tell im happier just by the amount of emotes im using lol :D
things seem to be looking up now, so maybe now i can make a start on the summerwork i was supposed to be doing months ago lol
I wonder what the future holds?
so that gives me a definite happy thingy to look forward to :]
the title of this post i think is just to try and confuse you all :p unless my subconscience is trying to tell me something, but i highly doubt that as i think it has gone to sleep at this moment in time, as should i :p
I think you can tell im happier just by the amount of emotes im using lol :D
things seem to be looking up now, so maybe now i can make a start on the summerwork i was supposed to be doing months ago lol
I wonder what the future holds?
why am i not listening to music?
that is a very good question acyually, and is soon to be solved :]
But an even better question is why do i have an obession with trying further my knowledge of the workings of me? i mean why do i have to understand myself so much? why cant i simply accept that i am who i am without all the questioning?
Although one thing ive seen vaguely explained this compulsion [i was doing a quiz type thing about your person type and such, was quite helpufull] The Type of person it said me to be also said that these types of people tend to do a lot of self discovery (just in much better terms lol)(i suck at explaining things)
Maybe one day ill find an answer that satisfys me :]
But an even better question is why do i have an obession with trying further my knowledge of the workings of me? i mean why do i have to understand myself so much? why cant i simply accept that i am who i am without all the questioning?
Although one thing ive seen vaguely explained this compulsion [i was doing a quiz type thing about your person type and such, was quite helpufull] The Type of person it said me to be also said that these types of people tend to do a lot of self discovery (just in much better terms lol)(i suck at explaining things)
Maybe one day ill find an answer that satisfys me :]
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
when my supper's turned to breakfast.
Right to explain this title i must first state that i was having a bowl of cereal for my supper, which is the same thing as i have for breakfast, and i then saw that it was past midnight so i had the thought that technacily it should be classed as breakfast not supper, so that also brings about the idea that i will most likely have to breakfasts today :]
At the moment ive been having some really weird feelings, mainly cos this is the longest ive been without seeing smiley-guitar-girl, who isnt so smiley at the moment wich is also worrying :[ and i must find a way to cope with the idea of not being able to see her for several more days yet, and i wonder what im supposed to do while she is stuck where she doesnt want to be, how can i enjoy myself wile i know she may be sad:[
But i managed to enjoy myself the otherday, it was quite fun :], but now i dont know if its fair for me to enjoy myself while she is stuck there...
and should i resort to alchahol to keep my mind from pondering this problem, probally not, but it doesnt mean i wont :[
i dont really know what im thinking, and i dont wanna know if its bad or not, to be honest i just cant wait to see her standing there, smiling at me again :]
At the moment ive been having some really weird feelings, mainly cos this is the longest ive been without seeing smiley-guitar-girl, who isnt so smiley at the moment wich is also worrying :[ and i must find a way to cope with the idea of not being able to see her for several more days yet, and i wonder what im supposed to do while she is stuck where she doesnt want to be, how can i enjoy myself wile i know she may be sad:[
But i managed to enjoy myself the otherday, it was quite fun :], but now i dont know if its fair for me to enjoy myself while she is stuck there...
and should i resort to alchahol to keep my mind from pondering this problem, probally not, but it doesnt mean i wont :[
i dont really know what im thinking, and i dont wanna know if its bad or not, to be honest i just cant wait to see her standing there, smiling at me again :]
Wednesday, 15 July 2009
Contemplation of Motivation
I find myself, smiling. i think i have somehow took a step forward, made progress, or something, because i fell happier in myself, and have more motivation to actually go and do something rather than just sit around the whole time, i realise that if i want to achieve my ideas then i need to actually put some effert in. I may not be particualy fond of my parents at the moment but i need to simply put up with it. And although if i fail my education and all, i know i could lead a very comfartable life, it doesnt mean i should just sit back and let myself fail now does it. So i will no longer just sit here and do nothing, that i promise you :]
Sunday, 12 July 2009
When i can see the relfection my computer
Im not really sure what this post is gong to be about so be warned lol
i often find myself contemplating about many things, right now its why i turn my music down low enough that i know my parents cant hear it, and i know its not just so i dont wake them because its only when i think there awake that i do so.
i have some ideas for the reasons for this:
1. i fear that thelyrics to the music that i love so much may reveal the real me to my parents[as i have no idea how much they really know me]
2. they may some how find the music offence, they are unintelligent christians, so it may happen
3. maybe im scared of disapointing or hurting them - i dont know ]:
Ok, so maybe i have some issues with my parents at the moment, but then again What teenager doesnt?
i often find myself contemplating about many things, right now its why i turn my music down low enough that i know my parents cant hear it, and i know its not just so i dont wake them because its only when i think there awake that i do so.
i have some ideas for the reasons for this:
1. i fear that thelyrics to the music that i love so much may reveal the real me to my parents[as i have no idea how much they really know me]
2. they may some how find the music offence, they are unintelligent christians, so it may happen
3. maybe im scared of disapointing or hurting them - i dont know ]:
Ok, so maybe i have some issues with my parents at the moment, but then again What teenager doesnt?
The ignition of anger
i think we all have one little thing that sets us of, that one thing that nags and irratates every nerve.
well unfortanutly mine is the one thing i can not avoid with out causing excessive pain, This one irration in particular is miener Vater, I dont exactly know why he effects me so, but some days every word he says makes me want to punch him.
I realise how bad this is, and luckly i have had enoughe controll to stop myself so far, how long it can last i do not know. I think that some of the reason may be that my mind keeps throwing the fact he's not actually my farther at me, even tho ive known this practially my whole life, But he might aswell be my farther, i mean he has raised me, tuaght me, inspired me and so on, so why can i no longer accept him as that.
This may result in me leaving Home sooner then my parents think, especially as dont wont to hurt them any more then i have to [they are very clingy people] This may just sort itself out in time, but im not going to rely on that hope...
well unfortanutly mine is the one thing i can not avoid with out causing excessive pain, This one irration in particular is miener Vater, I dont exactly know why he effects me so, but some days every word he says makes me want to punch him.
I realise how bad this is, and luckly i have had enoughe controll to stop myself so far, how long it can last i do not know. I think that some of the reason may be that my mind keeps throwing the fact he's not actually my farther at me, even tho ive known this practially my whole life, But he might aswell be my farther, i mean he has raised me, tuaght me, inspired me and so on, so why can i no longer accept him as that.
This may result in me leaving Home sooner then my parents think, especially as dont wont to hurt them any more then i have to [they are very clingy people] This may just sort itself out in time, but im not going to rely on that hope...
Thursday, 2 July 2009
Some people believe in them selves with such ferocity that they promise people there going to become celebrities, but they just destroy themselves trying, but if they do make it, they wont have any of there friends remaining :[
I admit I do want to be someone great and be remembered, but not like that, the kind of acknowledgment I want is when your recognized by one out of million people they would just say hey weren’t you that guy who… that would be nice or to remembered for the most insignificant event , how ever it happens, I wish for people to remember me for me not some celebrity made by the whims of fashion and society.
Why I wish to be remembered, well don’t we all? I guess it would be nice, I don’t think I really need it to happen, but it’s the kind of eternity I view as real :] If the world simply forgets me after im gone, or never knows of me in the first place, then well, who cares, i sure dont.
i will know how i lived my life and is that not enough?
I admit I do want to be someone great and be remembered, but not like that, the kind of acknowledgment I want is when your recognized by one out of million people they would just say hey weren’t you that guy who… that would be nice or to remembered for the most insignificant event , how ever it happens, I wish for people to remember me for me not some celebrity made by the whims of fashion and society.
Why I wish to be remembered, well don’t we all? I guess it would be nice, I don’t think I really need it to happen, but it’s the kind of eternity I view as real :] If the world simply forgets me after im gone, or never knows of me in the first place, then well, who cares, i sure dont.
i will know how i lived my life and is that not enough?
Reasons.
Every action has a reaction, this is what philosophers say , but what they don’t see is the configurations of reasons for that action.
Today I found out one of those reasons for your actions, (a past participle of you), the tears that fell from your eyes showed me why you fear the things you find fearful, tho I know that one thing can not be the only reason behind a person, it can be a linking piece that puts all previous thought together, so now I almost clearly see the reasons of you :] and I find myself admiring the strength of you for pulling through.
Today I found out one of those reasons for your actions, (a past participle of you), the tears that fell from your eyes showed me why you fear the things you find fearful, tho I know that one thing can not be the only reason behind a person, it can be a linking piece that puts all previous thought together, so now I almost clearly see the reasons of you :] and I find myself admiring the strength of you for pulling through.
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