good music, hot choclate and the throwing of shoe's

:D good day is what i have to say, and facebook will tell you why :p



Grr.. it annoys me when my mother misundertsands what im saying or my tone of voice.



i have not stolen T's neckalce and put my sharktooth on it ¬¬




now i can stop stoppping and thinking, and simple continue to walk towards the horizon...

exam results!

German - E
R.E. - D
R.M. - C
English - C
english lit - B
Bussiness - B
Maths - B
Science - B
science - B

i.t. - A,A

well why dont you go pick up a pickupstick!

hm. pointless trip to hunstaton where we stopped for ONE hour, which most of was spent in the cafe, though it wasnt too bad i suppose, just blooody pointless, stupid grandma, doesnt matter how many of us say if she doesnt want to go somewhere, none of us do -_-


i will do a seperate post for my exam results...



i have recently come to realise that i have lost quite a few of the values that i held so dearly...
and yet i do not fell that changed
but today, in realising that, i have already begun to get them back...
i think i had lost sight of my horizon.. i had got entraced by the shiny things around me but now i turn my head to once again see the stars and to that ever moving horizon


right enough about my introspecting, or whatever you call it lol


the extra family members that have been here all week leave tomorow :]
they have not been to bad, the only ones that cuase trouble are charlotte (mine aunt, age 28) and mine grundmutter charlotte becuase she doesnt know the meaning of quite, i mean fairenough she's deaf without her hearing aids in, but still. and she is just really anoying, like you can feel her looking over your shoulder when your on the computer, she the type of person that has to tell you she's going to the toilette if your near her at the time, and like she also uses facebook on her phone like i do, so when she commented on my staus when she was sitting in the car behind i didnt really care, i was just going to comment back, but she then asks me if i got the comment, and in my head i was like WTF you weirdo, either talk to me or comment to me, dont do both, i mean she's nosy and childish [not in a funny way tho]
And my grandmother, Arrrggg :@ she constantly badmouths my grandad when he is actually quite awsome, tho he's hands are now swolen with arthrituss he has a really bad coth and genrally diteriating health, when she despite the bowl cancer, heart resets, hernier and so and so forth can still do basically everything but heavy lifting [which she wouldve never done in the first place] and walking far just sits there ordering evrybody about, not being able to interprupt what people mean, know nothing of the word subtle, and talks as loudly if not louder than charlotte, i mean she just complains about everything, she doesnt hardly ever say anything good, only when its in comparrison with someone else who did worse....
tho i enjoyed showing her my results as it puts me right at the top of the family for brains :]

luckaly as we live quite far away from her we get tret very well in comparrison to everybody else, i mean she helps everybody up there and is extremely kind and generuous at points but she's also ruining everybodys lives up there at the same time, i think my uncles kids used to spend more time at hers than his, she really doesnt let them raise there own kids.


anyway, rant over :]





while i know that i must continue to move forward, i know there are just some things i could never leave behind............
......i have only recently realised this, and now things may be harder...




i think.... more effort is recuired

consequences

i dream of action, but now i must take some, things are set into motion things i cant controll, but there are things i can effect, and decsions must be made, and like a pebble thrown into a pond, there will be ripples...

well ive been ill since i went bed last night :o
i am slightly better now...

i went to the zoo yesterday :D
iwould list all i saw but it will take to long so you can just go look at the website lol
we feed some little goat type things, and the giraffes and an elephant :D
my sister video'd two otters having sex :o
and there was there was some quite fun moments :]

But there was also the usuall arguments and frustrations
my grandma has o be in a wheelchair, so that limited where we could go and how fast
but i dont mind all that, she cant help it.
but its just my dads impatience combined with pushing her about and spilling beetroot on his shirt ment he wasnt in the best of moodsfr a little while








the day before.

errrmm we had a BBQ , wi th ostrich burgers :D
but i think that was about it lol

Thoughts on the picture please :]

inspiration comes at last

and the end of a releativley normal day, i fing myself inspired, at that moment in time i head the wind blowing in my hair, the silence of the night, and the light of the stars shiing down on me :]
i have remembered in part at least why i used to put effert into the things i do, and in doing so, i ca nonce again regain the passion i was once had


but now the saddening stuff... i have part of my dads family down for the week, my grandma and grandad, my 26 year old aunt and her boyfreind, and one of my little cousins, its going to be a week that will be reasonably injoyable as long as i can put up with all the fighting and bitching thats happening underneath all the smiles and unfortunatly i wont be able to get out the house to much cos i have to be sociable :p

and theresthe point that me and my family are trying to keep it secret that im collecting my results thursday lol, because if they knew, there would be annoying amount of attention, i mean these are the sort of people that hug and kiss you goodbye when your going to see them in a few hours anyway lol, :/ maybe i just dont feel for them that much...

anyways, could be fun, could be hell, we shall see :]

idea's come anew

i have realised many things tonight...

1. that i will never really make my parents proud, as they want me to commit to something i can never beleive in

2. music effects my brain greatly

3. having goals greatly motivates you :]

4. if dreams are to be achived, we must first complete the mudanitys of life

5. my mind is great :D

6. you just read al of the above, and are now annoyed with me saying that :p

7. I'm a freaky scene kid with a sexy smile who ran naked with a horse because I have AMAZING boobs

8. i want to be a paradox :]

all better now :D

they gave me no reasons for it happening, but they probs thought it was something id done lol, i mean a teenager who's been up for 36 hours and had been consuming alcahol is not a very convincing person lol

there was a random spike in my caffine levels so they kept asking me about enrgy drinks but id only stolen a sip of kick at abouts half six in the morning so it couldnt be that, but in the end they put it down to the fact id eaten just before i went to bed and that it was probally indigestion :/
but please tell me, since when has indigestion been a servere pain in at the bottem of your lungs that then constricts your chest so that you can barely breath? useless paramedics lol



anyways its all gone now so no worrys :]

a combanation of pain and lack of oxygen

well i did try to go to sleep but enede up having to call an ambulence as, when i got to bed, i suddenly had severe pain in my abdoman and throat, i trieed to ignore to see if it would leave me alone and let me sleep, but no. so i go downstairs, tell my parents, they phone the late night clinic and tell them, then the clinic gets a docter to phone, he says to take paracetamol, but as i get up to get it, i realise my diaphrame has decided to suddenlt shrink and almost stop me from breathing, so my parents call the ambulence, but of course, by the time they got here, Oh all syptoms and pain has gone... well apart from a small part of the pain, which is slowly getting worse, but ill just keep quite about that so i can sleep :]

so after just under fourty hours of no sleep i will attempt to sleep im my nice bed that has a brand new cover on it :]

not a post, just explanation

we are all dying, we just chooose to not pay attention to it, or pray for something etter on the other side, the point is we all die, so why live in fear of it, embrace the mments of life you have, dont sit and count down your days, enjoy them :]

awaiting a cookie...

i no longer know what i anticipate, i am having to renew all my thoughts, they come almsot the same but i feel that my mind must be rewnewd, i am different and yet the same, i still have my dreams... but now i feeel ever further from them, like i am unable to accomplish such things.

I must fall... so that i can rise

i need to let go of all this frustration and aggretion, this malice that surounds my home, and once again learn to simply enjoy myself

i must let go the concentration within my brain, so that i can see the whole image, not just that little dot

i must let go, of me so that i can see who i really am and remember and embrace that which i once loved


and i ponder if ill can find myself again, or will my actions simply speed the fall...

i think im brain dead D:

.....or maybe im just tired?

but anyway ihave a servere case of the, not being able to come up with a post, type thing lol


at them moment i find myself confoundingly confused, and yet everything going on is all quitesimply really, so why cant i find solutions to my dilemas, why can i not think ahead, i am doing everything by simply thinking about it there and then, there are a lot of things i want and need to think about... but i find myself unable to truly ponder the matters...






[] when my emotions fail me, and my brain no longer calcuates...
i simply let, my soul guide mee... []

Hello?

what tooks years to build and maintain, has been lost, but i will build it again and in half the time, i will build it better, and i will be better for it.



Now, have fun figureing out what im talking about lol

i will do a post later, but im just putting this on here atm: http://magmafirechris.blogspot.com/
this is my freinds chris's blogg, he's just started it, nd i think he could benefit from some help from all of you, so if you dont mind having a look please do :] thankyou.

im not just the fool you take me to be....

there is so much i want to say, nd yet have such a limited vocabulery to express it, Damn i need to put more effort into things. i habe become lazy in my ways, so this i will correct, along with a few other things, like my ability to be led on by others and my lack of forsight as to see what they really think of me... but i shall change my ways, im not what i once wanted to be and yet i am not knowing who i truly am, but, im going to live my plans and chase those dreams, but i cant do it alone, so im going to need your help,
if you'll agree to be there once again...

mistakes where made

why is it that you can only see things properly after you seem to have messed them up, i just wish id listened to people around me, for now i see how they were trying to help and i just plodded on blindly, destroying myself and and hurting the people around me. i just hope that people will except my apoligies. and i hope i havent messed anything up too badly...

i never wanted to hurt you...

bewilderment at the apperance of nothing

my current state, to sum it up in one word, is, confused. and i have no idea how im going to be getting out of it, unless something happenes or someone does/says something lol

but some parts of it have been explained to me by mr Tall, he has some good insight into, these sort of dilema's lol, so hopefully i will over come this state of mind and see what lays before me...

i have tried all i know and yet i still feel sick :[ not good, stupid cheap cider :@
yes i enjoyed being drunk but im not sure if i shouldve gotten drunk... i mean physicaly im alright just tired and feeling queezy lol, mentally there are other things as kinda kissing someone but, im not really shore about certain other people nd feelings that have been expressed there nd what not...

so tonight is a night of uncertinties if you will
im just hoping i can kep myself together as i know i usally react badly when i dont have a clue whats going on...





i think my parents almost realised i had been drunk today, but i managed to fob my hangovery state as tiredness lol, so it all worked out, but its weird how they jumped sttraight to that conclusion lol

things my not not turn out how i planned but do they ever lol, nd things always seem to go the unexpected route, so who knows what wil happen now? all i know is i will make the most of it and have fun along the way :]

i have been away...

i am back from my weekend away :D it wasnt to bad really, we went round the town played some games, but then i got dragged into church ]: not good. and i had to sing along and everything just so people didnt think me evill and then start praying for me cos its Soooo... annoying when they do that, and i kinda have the suspision that the reaosn my parents wanted me to come and visit these people was so i had no excuse to not go to church D':

anyway, we then went to this marsh/island/beach thing which was quite cool, we went with a whole group of people and played lotsa games like frenchcricket nd frissbee which was quite fun actually :] and then we went for a walk along the beach, nd me n my dad had the usaull stone skimming competition, and i won :D i got it to skim seven times :] and then we came of the beach via climbing up an unstabble cliff :p
O, there was some of the old concrete bunkers there as well, one was fully in tact nd you could go inside nd evrything :]

so yeah thats been my weekend lol, Ow, stupid laptop just fell onto my neck lol




nd ooo. manhunt tuesday :] which sould be fun :p
i just have to find something to do monday, well today actaually but thats not the point lol






im quite looking forward to things now, not long till we get our GCSE results back :] and only a couple more weeks left before long :] but i really need to get the summerwork done lol

space to think

although ihavent really done anything its not been to bad, i mean i funaly got some descent speakers set up with my hi-fi and there not taking up all the space on my unit lol, and i actually made a start on that pesky summerwork lol, and my perents are decorating the downstairs so that means there distracted and i dnt get any hassel from them :] especially as ive stolen my dads old laptop, so i can sit upstairs :] and dnt have to wrry about people looking over my shoulder at what i write lol, and it seems like ive only got good times to look forward to :p

so even tho i have to go away with my parents this weekend, and my grandparents are down here for the last week of the holidays im not going to mope or give people reason to question my usaull happy manner, im going to be the happy and enjoy all that comes my way, and no longer let any oppurtunitys pass me bye, so heres to smiling :p

Moving on

one sleepless night, and then im smiling and ok

is it bad to be able to move on that quickly, well i say quickly it wasnt really the best of nights, but im awake to day without any sleep, so now i sit and wonder what couldve been, but i wont let it stop me, part of our development as people is getting through the sad moments, but its always worth it :]

So ill say im gratefull i met you smiley guitar girl, we had a good run, and i hope we can still be freinds, [i hate ending on difficult terms :(


But i can walk away with a smile on my face knowing it was Fun :]

緑色の渦に3つの鶏

私は単に私とあなたを困ら 私は本当にこの記事を楽しませるつもりが全く分かっていないことについて日本語で書いていますが、昨日の出来事かもしれないのですか？今日のだろうか、何が起こるのか

私には絵文字では、ギターの女の子が好きで終わる必要があると思うことは彼女をより頻繁に...

my soul, is set free today

[this may be the moment to state that i sometimes take the smallest events as representations of more important things, and this will be a great example of that]


Today, my necklace broke.
This may seem mundain as i have other necklaces, but i basically never wear them, and i think ive gone about eight months without taking this one off before and i wear it almost everyday, and its been every wear with me, so physically speaking its quite reasnable for it to break, i would explain the origins of this necklace but i dont know them, i simply found it in my room one day, and another detail is that the neckalce itself didnt break just the string that holds it in place.

Today, my confidence reteruned.
I had the spring in step, and the boldness that i had when i first began to walk with my head held high, in a way you could sa its like shedding an old skin, tho the last few months have had there ups and downs they have still been great :D and i think whats happened is that those experinces have taken there tol physically, they have been invigorating me mentaly. so that physically i fall apart but mentally and spiraturly i am better than ever.

[side note] {physically - necklace string breaks, and i was falling apart, menatall - tooth nd colours survive, i am stronger in myself}

maybe ann odd comparison but who reallly cares lol, i feel better then ever and i think that smiley guitar girl needs to noted for doing this to me :] like ive told her before she helps me more than she realises and hopefully she will see the results :]

I have awoken from my slumber, now hear me roar :p

New things, new places

i finally have a new project, or more we have a new project :]
i cant specify details here as its location is secret...... althogh many people probally know aout it lol, but i wonder how many people have actually been there *pondering face*

I am dreading the day i meet the farther :[ as i do not know if i willbe able to contain myself, for her sake, i will try my hardest, but they have hurt her so much, and they should do nothing but love her.... i dont know how she gets throuh it, it just shows how strong she she really is :]
[sorry ive been refering to you as her smiley guitar girl] :)





my parents have yet again bugged me about going to church..... when will i tell them i no longer call myself a christian , i have renounced my faith and yet it wont let go of me, I will not get dragged back because of guilt, I Will Not!